just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
