I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
