you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
