I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Farmville is her only friend.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
