tonight lets celebrate not being married
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize