5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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