that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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