I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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