Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
