dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
