so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
