Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
