oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
