Little spoons don't ask big questions
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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