O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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