no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
