Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
