2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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