I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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