There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
