Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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