he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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