Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
