At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
