Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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