Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
