I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
