He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
