my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
