sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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