youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
