I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
