so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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