I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
