my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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