just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
