you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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