I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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