how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
