dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
