I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
God I need to hump something, right now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize