Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
