I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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