I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
