I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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