there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
