I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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