I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
