Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
