you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
