i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
