speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
