There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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