Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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