for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
