Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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