It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
