besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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