yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
