I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
