I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
