What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
