Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
