I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
