Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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